There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
