Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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