I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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