He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
