Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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