i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
