Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
