you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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