my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
