a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
