you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
