It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
