If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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