On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
