woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
