been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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