I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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