i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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