So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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