I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
