omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
