Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
