o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
