you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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