Cold hands, warm shart.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize