so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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