She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
