I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize