so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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