maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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