you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
