Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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