uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
