"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
