u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
