the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
