I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
