i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
