So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
