I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
