Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
