Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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