There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
