I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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