: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
