Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
