One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
