if i can run in heels then i can drive
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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