I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
