Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
