just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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