is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
