bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
