$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
