Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
