How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
