Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize