I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize