It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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