just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
