the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
