He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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