You work out of a Hotel?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
