sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
