she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
