I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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