Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
