your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
